farters have to be the big spoon...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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