I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
