I can tuck mytits in my pants
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize