Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
