Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
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