didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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