let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
