He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
