the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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