I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
