I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
