Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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