dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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