So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
