would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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