was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
