He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
