I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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