If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
