Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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