i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
