I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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