Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize