There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
