oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
