My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
