I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize