I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
