Tell her she can't have a vagina
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
