I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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