so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
