She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
