I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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