I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
