dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
