Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
