Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
