I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
