my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
