is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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