She is in my trunk
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
