I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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