I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
