I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
