my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
