"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Pooping to opera.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
