i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize