Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
