I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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