We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
