i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
