Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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