so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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