Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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