youre lurking in front of me
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
