They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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