Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
This house was built for laser tag.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
