Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
