i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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