I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
