You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My feet surprised me
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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