In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize