you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
