Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
