Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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