You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
