suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
