One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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