my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
