I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
