dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
