Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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