Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
