when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
How does one acquire holy water?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
