I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
